Written by Anonymous:
I have noticed that you really love cats. Everywhere you post pictures of your kittens cuddling with you and your cats with silly expressions on their faces. There are so many videos of cats playing or ‘being smart’ with millions of comments saying “Aww!” and “So cute!” There are also absurd amounts of cat memes and lolcats. It is actually extremely obnoxious and annoying. What is up with those lolcats? Why would you be able to have a cheeseburger? You are a cat. Of course, you can’t have a cheeseburger! Stupid cat. Why do you love cats so much, anyways?
I am a dog and I am speaking on behalf of dogs all around the world. Why have you forgotten us and replaced us with cats. Remember all the fun we used to have playing fetch in the park on a warm summer day. Those videos that you used to make when you would throw the frisbee and I’d jump and catch it in the air. Pretty cool, right? What happen to that? Why have you pushed us canines aside for these pretentious felines? We were your best friend, remember? You still are our best friend. We still love you even though you accidentally step on our tail, never give us food from the dinner table, and kick us off the couch.
Cats are not that great. Sure, kittens are cute fuzz balls. Yes, even us dogs admit that, but that is all. Cats walk around all high and mighty like they are better than you. A dog would not do that. No, us dogs are humble creatures. We do not hiss and scratch at you with sharp claws when you try to pet us. If anything, we might scratch you by accident because we are so happy to see you. Cats pretend to be so timid and shy, but we know the truth. They are vicious hunters with razor sharp claws. Dogs are true to themselves and do not put up a personality just to get people to like them If a mailman tried to attack you, would a cat protect you. Of course not. They would snarl at the mailman for ruining their nap. A dog though would bark and chase that wicked man away all because we love you. It is us dogs that ensure the security of your yard from the sneaky squirrels. While Cats just strut around all day glaring down at you. We dogs just want to spend time with you and hang out.
All you people who think it is so cute that your cat fell asleep on your keyboard and that you need to share it with the whole world, it is not cute. It is annoying. You are trying to use your keyboard and your cat does not even care. No, he just wants to nap wherever he pleases. So please remember us fun loving dogs. Remember those adorable little puppies barking for joy all because we are happy to see you. Talk about us and post all your awesome photos of dogs. Take a video of us bringing back that stick that you threw away for some unknown reason. We do not know why you threw it so far, but we ran and brought it back to you anyways. Update your status about how your dog was waiting for you at your door when you got home. Hope to see you soon.
Your Best Friend,
P.S. Cats are stupid.
Brought to you by the BARC (Betterment Association for Recreational Canines)